Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
