my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
