3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
