FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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