Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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