we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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