weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize