so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
