I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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