im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
