i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize