I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
