So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
