he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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