There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
