Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
