3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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