I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
