Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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