i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
