Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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