he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You left your underwear on the fireplace
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
