I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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