its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
