My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
