please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
