She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
