I'm jealous of your bromance
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
