new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
