I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
