i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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