last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
