you traded sex for a burrito?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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