Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
