He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
only if we run a train.
done.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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