you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
