my sisters under your porch take her home
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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