We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
