Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
