before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
