we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
