I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
