Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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