i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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