mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
