New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize