just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
