drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize