I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
