TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The feeling are messing with the penis
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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