she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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