Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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