I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize