thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
