i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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