Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
