Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
