i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
