Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
