party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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