Sry I called you an 8
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry about my life...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
