i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Farmville is her only friend.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
