Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
