Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
