I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
