conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
