I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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