I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
