I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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