I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
