They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize