I wish I could teleport
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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