he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
