You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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