i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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