U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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