Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
