billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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