I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
