hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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