I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
