Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
