You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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