96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
