I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry about my life...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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