The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize