don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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