some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
