Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
