i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
