Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize