Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
