fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
