When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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