sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
