Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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