Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
