We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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