Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
