I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
