I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
