Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
