So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
