Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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